Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category


A group of ten Irish cyclists have entered a new type of off season competition called ‘I’m a cyclist – get me out of here ! They will be marooned in a deserted house in Merchtem in the Belgian outback . Each day they will be given some very difficult tasks to complete and the last one standing at the end will be crowned ‘cyclist of the year’ !

The contestants are an eclectic band of celebrity Irish stars both past and present . First to enter is former Ras winner and current Thai bar manager ‘ Sprattzy ‘ . He is followed in by multiple Ras stage winner ‘Fritty’ . Next comes current pro Philly Diggins who is joined by fellow northerner Danny Macken . They are quickly followed by the fearsome foursome of Benny Kennedy , Ronny Power , Frankie Morgan and Timmy Cremmins . Last but not least come the elder statesmen Stevie og Kelly and Seanie ban Roche .

Their hosts Frank and Dec show them around the house and introduce them to Julian Daley and Kirk Boothard who will be setting their challenges each day .

The competition  begins with the initial ‘Belgian tucker challenge’ .  Julian , who had been out for a spin early that morning came across some delicious roadkill which he has laid out on plates before the contestants .

Sprattzy takes one look and says ‘ steady trapper , that don’t look too appetizing to me . Then he says the fate-full words : ‘I’m a cyclist get me outta here, Bubba’ .

Fritty just ploughs on and eats everything on the plate without blinking an eye .

Philly Diggins had been out in a night club the night before and is feeling a little under the weather and just can’t face it . He too says : ‘I’m a cyclist , get me out of here’

Danny Macken is looking for a different knife and fork as he broke his just as the challenge was about to begin . He finds replacements and manages to complete the task in record time .

Benny Kennedy takes one look at what is on the plate and without mincing his words lets everyone know just what he thinks of the so called food which is laid out before them . This is followed by the fate-full phrase : ‘I’m a cyclist get me out of here’

Ronny Power agrees with his training partner Benny and is glad to push the plate away especially as he is still feeling the after effects of the shenanigans in the lift at the airport the previous day . He too is a cyclist who wants out of here .

Frankie Morgan stumbled as he approached the table and knocked everything onto the floor, and a dog which had come in through the door which Frankie had left open rushes in and eats it all . A second plate is brought out and Frankie manages to get through it just inside the time limit .

Timmy Cremmins is still full from a stint of carbo loading in his local chip shop and pushes the plate away but asks if he can stay on in an advisory capacity for the other contestants . A request which is granted after he admits that ’I'm a cyclist get me out of here .

 Stevie og Kelly looks over the plate and analyses the contents . He purses his lips and exhales deeply before consuming the entire plate in his quest for victory .

Whilst Seanie ban Roche asks if he can have some Galtee cheese grated over the plate before he too consumes it’s contents .

So after round one , hosts Frank and Dec announce that there are now only five contestants remaining .

Time for the next challenge , ‘The endurance round ‘ . For this event Julian and Kirk explain that the contestants will have to ride their bikes on turbo trainers for as long as possible whilst drinking two water bottles full of Enervit each hour . There will be no toilet breaks so this will be an added difficulty as they will have to give up in order to answer the call of nature .

For the first two hours all is well , although the room is getting pretty warm as the condensation glazes the windows . Fritty has elbowed both competitors beside him and even managed to make Frankie Morgan drop his bottle into his rear wheel . This was quite an accomplishment as it had to fall from his hand , bounce off his left shoe , then the adjusting lever on the trainer before ripping seven spokes out of the wheel . Frankie then jumped off and ran to the toilet .

One down , four to go .

Seanie ban Roche began suffering form heat exhaustion after the four hour mark and collapsed onto the ground after dismounting the bike . Luckily an oxygen mask was nearby with a roll of tin foil to cover him up and he was soon back to normal , although disappointed to be eliminated from the competition .

This left just three .

Danny Mackin began to analyse the odds and calculated that Stevie og Kelly would probably keep going for a week and decided that enough was enough .

The final two were now selected so Julian and Kirk stepped in to end this round and bring the finalists on to their final and most difficult challenge .

Frank and Dec were all excited as they introduced the final challenge . This would be the ultimate Belgian tucker challenge . Two plates were produced and the silver covers were lifted up to reveal two pairs of Jonty Keevans socks which had been found in the back of the National team van after the Verona World’s four years previously . They were garnished with two have eaten powerbars which had been rolled flat by the team cars in the 2006 Kuurne-Brussels-Kuurne . To sweeten the taste two maxim gels covered in salty sweat were drizzled over the meals . In the background Tom Jones blared from a set of ipod speakers , singing about the green , green grass of home .

Both Fritty and Stevie og Kelly were taken aback with the ferocity of the task which lay ahead . Stevie og was first to get stuck in , but was quickly  joined by Fritty . They both gagged but were also both consumed with the quest for victory . They were matching each other , fork for fork . Whilst Stevie og was the crowds favourite , Fritty was not going down without a fight . That was until he began to listen to the words sung by the welsh crooner . The more he thought about it the more homesick he got and suddenly he stood up and said ‘ I’m a cyclist get me out of here ‘.

Stevie og Kelly threw both arms aloft and savoured the victory , he was now cyclist of the year!

Barry

http://www.worldwidecycles.com


I have had a number of people asking ‘ what happened next ? ‘ after a recent post about a cycling version of Sylvester Stallone’s most famous character so here is what I think might have been the next instalment ;

Both cyclists are lying on massage tables in the Na Piarsaigh GAA club hall in Blackpool on the outskirts of Cork city . They both have the sunken eyeball , emaciated face look of athletes with nothing more left to give . The normally chirpy Appolo Fox lays exhausted but exhilarated as he contemplates another year as National Champion . The blond ponytail massaging the latest Sports-balm recovery oil into his weary legs is working all of the lactic acid out and soon he will be fit to drive home in the BMW m5 estate .

 In another part of the hall a sixteen stone pot bellied veteran of fourteen Ras’s during the fifties and sixties is working even more deep heat into Rocky Powers’ aching legs . The shy bespectacled Mary Ann stands to one side packing the sweaty gear into a Dunnes Stores bag . They will soon be packed up into the chaos of the back of a fifteen year old Izuzu Trooper . Then a bumpy two hours should see them back in Carrick in time for Fair city , Mary Ann’s favourite .

This had been one of the hardest  fought National Title championships in years , between the toughest cyclists in the country and Apollo felt compelled to acknowledge Rocky’s effort before leaving the hall . The fact that Rocky had come from nowhere at the start of the season to be so strong on the day earned him respect in Apollo’s eyes .

Mary Ann saw him first and stood back . Apollo gave her a bright smile before addressing the challenger . ‘ Hey Rocky , I have to admit , that was the toughest race I’ve had in years . You ever think of joining a big club like ours? ‘

‘Aaawww thanks Apollo , but I’m happy with Carrick and I’ve got Micky Ryan training me . You know he ‘s pretty good .’

‘No problem Rock , but if you ever want to come to Athlone for a training camp just give me a shout and I’ll sort it out . You can even stay in my place ‘

‘Aaawww thanks Apollo and sure if you ever want to come to Carrick , you can stay in The Carraig’ .

They both said their goodbyes but a new friendship had been formed out of the mutual respect they had for each others ability to endure pain . A real cyclists gauge of character .

Throughout that winter Rocky , Mary Ann and their dog Butt-kiss did go to Athlone for training camps and Apollo came to Carrick with his two blondes, masseur and mechanic . Micky Ryan didn’t think much of all of the razzmatazz around Apollo but he did admire his determination on the bike . Although he was concerned that he might lead Rocky astray , showing him  SRM power-metres and such like .

Rocky , however was unimpressed with the new modern technology and was happy to do the circuit training in the Forrester’s hall every Tuesday and Thursday night along with Ballymac each Saturday and Sunday . There was one piece of modern technology which Micky did allow Rocky to use . It was a special hanky which had a few drops of olbas oil on it . This would help to clear the lungs on a cold winters day and allow Rocky to push harder .

The new year came and rumours were rife as to who was going well on the winter training spins throughout thew country . A guy called ‘Clubber Colcannon’ was supposed to be burying everyone on the spins in Kerry whilst a Polish immigrant riding with Bray Wheelers called ‘Ivan Dragonlynch’ was supposed to be training like a machine .

The Kerry winter training spins were always notoriously hard with the Connor and Healy passes included every weekend . Normally the group of ten to twelve would stay together and share the pace-making , but not this year with Clubber rearing to go . Every time the group now came to any sort of a climb , Clubber would attack and taunt his training partners with statements like – ‘ Come on , come on , is that all you’ve got , I’m Clubber and I’m gonna drop all you guys ‘ which did sound unusual in his thick Kerry accent .  Then he would proceed to drop them all and when he eased up over the top of a climb he would half-wheel them down the other side .

In Bray Ivan Dragonlynch was working shift in the Dell computer factory . This meant that his training was done at unusual hours . To overcome this difficulty he set up a complete cycling gym in his rented house just off the upper dargle road . With a super-computer which he had assembled himself at work connected up to a Tacx i-magic home trainer his training regime was super efficient . His girlfriend Bridget , was very interested in his progress as she thought that if he were to become successful that citizenship would surely follow . She would help him chart his progress each evening and was ruthless in admonishing him if she felt that he was not pushing himself hard enough . Each Sunday The Bray Wheelers would take in the climb of Glenmalure on their spin and each Sunday Ivan would power away , sitting in the saddle with absolutely no upper body movement .

Meanwhile back in Carrick , Micky had come up with the perfect solution to Rocky’s lack of speed .He could plough along in the eleven all day long but a sudden acceleration always saw him one to two bike lengths off the back . A friend of Mickey’s , Leslie Grant had a moped which , even though he only had a provisional licence he could drive on the Pilltown by-pass . Twice a week they would head up and down the bypass with Micky on the back of the moped yelling at Rocky every two minutes to try to sprint past at over thirty five mph .

In late January it snowed in Carrick for two solid weeks but Micky still made Rocky go out and do his efforts behind the Bulmers Lorry’s up and down the by-pass . What the lorry drivers thought of a lunatic on a bike trying to sprint past them in the snow  God only knows but Rocky felt himself getting stronger so he persisted .

The new race year began with the Lacey cup in Tralee . Rocky lined up next to Apollo in the scratch group and they wished each other luck . All of the front groups were reeled in before Castlemaine when shortly afterwards Rocky attacked and opened up a ten second lead which he held to the finish . Season opener , round one to Rocky . However standing at the finish was Clubber Colcannon who had missed the start . He was hurling abuse at Rocky saying that he would not have won it if Clubber was in the race and that no one could beat Mr. C . Rocky just shrugged it off  and ignored him although Apollo was watching the encounter with a little concern . He later told Rocky that he would want to keep an eye on that guy .

The next race of note was Paddy’s Day in Carrick where Rocky really wanted to make an impression on the local crowd . Mary Ann’s mother would also be there so this gave him even more motivation . The flag dropped at the summit of Sir John’s hill and the race was underway and Clubber Colcannon was first to attack . He was reeled in and attacked again . After five consecutive attacks a group of seven got across to him and this was the break . By the end of lap one they had a three minute lead on the chasing bunch .  The next lap was just a consolidation of the lead until Clubber attacked again as they headed out on their final lap . Rocky managed to get across to him and for ten miles they worked well together to open a one minute lead . Ten to go and Clubber tells Rocky that he can’t climb for shit . Rocky ignores him . A mile later and Clubber tells him that if he keeps his haircut the same that it will eventually come back into fashion .  Next he says that Rocky should work Sundays in the meat factory as he’s wasting his time racing . Then he attacks . Rocky is slightly distracted which is just what Clubber wants and finds it hard to close the gap but eventually he manages it . Now Clubber asks which is Buttkiss and which is Mary Ann . Rocky now has two choices , either he jumps of his bike taking Clubber with him and escorts him into the middle of next week or he puts everything he has into one massive attack . He thinks of Mary Ann and her mother standing on the cold finish line and makes his decision .

Three clicks and he is in the eleven . A surge of adrenaline fuelled by temper propels him as if he was in the small ring and a twenty bike length gap has opened before Clubber has a chance to change gear . Rocky has a minute advantage as he reaches the finishing line and once again his victory salute has the now familiar soundtrack of a shout  to Mary Ann . Mary Ann and her mother are well impressed . It will be a special Shepherds pie for Rocky’s tea tonight.

The season continues and Rocky has to miss a month due to tendinitis in his left knee . The Shay Elliott race is on in Bray and Apollo and Ivan are the favourites . The final run in to the finish after a very tough race is true to form and the two favourites are together with an unassailable lead of two an a half minutes .  Rocky is in the car behind and is concerned for his friend Apollo who looks under pressure . Instead of just attacking Ivan Dragonlynch switches Apollo into the ditch where he breaks a collarbone . Rocky is furious and at the finish he tells the Polish rider that he will see him at the National Champs and he will sort him out there .

The day of the National Championships finally arrives and Rocky has trained like never before to be fit for the day . Ivan Dragonlynch has also been training harder than ever getting a VO2 test every fortnight in Trinity . Rocky’s VO2 test was a fourteen minute ascent of Tickincor in the rain .

Once again the two favourites reach the final section together . A rolly circuit around Navan  . The Pole attacks and attacks and tells Rocky the he will loose but Rocky keeps fighting back . The Bray team car pulls up alongside and he tells Bridget that Rocky cannot be human , the way he keeps coming back . Rocky senses weakness and goes for it . One attack in  thirteen , the next in a twelve . By the time he gets it into the eleven the pole is gone and Rocky solo’s to the greatest national title victory of all time . A huge crowd gather around to congratulate the Champion and he calls out for Mary Ann. She runs across from the KFC drive through and gives him a kiss in front of everyone , her shyness diminished .

The following day Rocky gets a call from someone in Tipp FM asking if he would like to do a few advertisements . He See’s a chance to make some money and agrees . The first add is for a new anti-perspirant by Pinewood healthcare . But Rocky keeps saying that it makes him smeeel mainly and an infuriated producer suggests that he go back to the meat factory , which he does .

Barry

http://www.worldwidecycles.com



League 31-5-07

Posted: June 1, 2007 in Uncategorized

league 17-5-07

Posted: May 18, 2007 in Uncategorized


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Each year during the third week in May several towns in Ireland reverberate to the sound of Paddy Fitzsimons voice encouraging the people of the town to ‘ Give a big Templemore ( or eight other town names each year ) welcome to the Men of The Ras ‘.

‘ The Ras ‘ holds a mythical place in the hearts of all Irish cyclists along with much of the general public . It gets daily TV and radio coverage along with plenty of column inches of print and even has had an excellent book published about it .

So , what does it take for an ordinary cyclist to become ‘ a man of The Ras ?’

Well , two years ago I completed my first Ras and here is my story .

Having raced as a first cat for two months after turning senior I fell away from the sport as do many others at that age when travel and skirts and beer appear out of nowhere . Cycling , however is a bug which never leaves the system , as can be seen by the number of people who return to the sport in their thirties and forties . When we opened the shop in 1999 I would be tuned in every hour on the hour to Roy Willoughby to see how Ray and the lads were getting on , and that pattern continued for a number of years  . Also there is a huge amount of ‘cycling chat ‘ each day in the shop . Even though I had competed in some good races I still felt a pang when the ‘Ras’ talk began . It was as if the ras is what it takes for a boy cyclist to become a man cyclist . It is akin to a soldier who has been to war . No matter how much training or manoeuvres you take part in , it is only when you experience the battle for real that a deeper understanding sets in and you are never the same again . That for me is The Ras .

I still have a piece of paper which is dated 29/11/03 on which I listed a top ten finish on a stage of the ras and to win the ‘b’ category overall as my goals for 2005 . I knew that it would take two years to get to the level of being able to do it and so I set about getting it done . I went back racing in 2004 and steadily build myself back up to race fitness . Then in November 2004 my Ras training began in earnest . Twice a week I would go into work at 6.00 am in order to finish at 3.00 pm to be on the bike by 3.30 . Then with lights already on I would head down towards Carrick and have the lights on full and be lit up like a Christmas tree as I headed up past the golf club and on towards Dungarvan before arriving back in Clonmel between 6.30 and 7.00 depending on how my fitness was coming along . Then every second Saturday another 4 hour spin with Sundays building up to 5 hours . In January I began doing a few laps of the by-pass at 5.30 or 6.00 am before work and the training progressed like that up to the race itself with Sunday races also being a means to an end . In November I weighed 89 kg and on the morning of the first stage I was 77 kg .

For the race itself we had a good team of Andy Roche , a former winner , John Mason , Keith Griffen and myself . Our manager was Padhric Quinn and our mechanic was Colm Cashin . We got very lucky with our masseur as a chat with Morgan Fox one day resulted in his brother Keith , a physio with Coventry soccer team coming on board . He was probably the best physio on the race and this made a huge difference to our recovery rates .

The first stage was savage .  I felt very nervous as we paraded along O’Connell street in Dublin and stopped outside the GPO for the start . It was cold and began to rain just as we set off . The bunch as whole felt very nervous and within five miles there was a massive pile up with some riders having their race cut short after only 10 minutes of official racing . Then the hailstones began and I thought that this must be it , a typical ras day . As we arrived at the finish in Emyvale  I was trying to stay out of trouble and sprinted along just to hold my position only to discover that evening I was first B rider and as such even though there were about twenty others on the same time I was on target for my goal .

The next morning before the stage I was over and back to the car trying to decide on whether to wear a rain cape or not . It was raining heavily so I decided to put one on which would prove costly later that day .

Lining up each day I remembered what Ray had told me , to start each stage with your front wheel up against the lead car . The reason being that every stage starts as if it is the final two miles with the speed usually up to 40 mph within the first mile . By starting at the front you have some sliding room so that when it eventually settles down a little you are still up near the front of the bunch . This worked well for me during the race .

As the stage went on I began to heat up with the cape still on . I told myself that I would take it off as soon as it settled down a little . But the ras never really settles down and so I found myself totally dehydrated with 20 k to go . I yo-yo-ed up and down the bunch for 15 k moving up with each stall and then sliding back with each following attack . I also broke my saddle when I hit a pot hole and could not stand for fear of not having a saddle to sit back down onto .  With 5  k to go to the finish in Tubbercurry I lost contact and lost 3 minutes from there to the finish . I also thought that the B prize was gone so I was not a happy camper that evening .

The next stage finished in Lisdoonvarna with the climb up corkscrew hill just 10 k from the finish . I buried myself going over the climb and by stage end I had regained most of the time lost the previous day to find myself third b at only eight seconds . That evening Keith Griffen said that every cyclist watches the Tour de France and would like to be in it but that The Ras was as close an experience most of us would get . This is true , the changing venue each day , different hotels and people . The camaraderie among the riders , it’s all there . There’s also the feeling you get when passing a school with all of the children cheering you on which reminded me of when I was in school watching The Nissan pass by cheering them on .

Templemore was the next stage finish and with this being the closest to home this was where I wanted to get a top ten placing . Sadly I only managed top thirty but I was delighted to see my wife and four month old baby daughter there at the finish . I had seen them earlier as they cheered us on passing through O’Briens bridge along with my father and brother in law and managed to give them a shout even though we were in a famous ras line out at the time travelling at over forty mph in the lashing rain holding on for grim death to the wheel in front .

There is a great sense of pride at moments like that when you are achieving something which most guys on the street will not . The driving rain , the gusting wind , the suffering and the pain . It is a test of your mental and physical strength and it is all part of The Ras .

The next day into Abbeyleix I tried to make up my eight second deficit but to no avail , however in the uphill sprint the following day in Rathdrum the bunch split and now I was back leading the B classification by just 3 seconds going into the penultimate stage through the Wicklow mountains .

More suffering and pain , until going over the final climb I found myself in a group of three with Bill Moore and Ryan Connor . I was riding hard down the other side when Bill asked me why I was driving it on and not waiting for a group to come up from behind . I told him that I was going for the beenior classification and fair play to himself and Ryan they rode with me into the finish in Wicklow town . That evening when I checked the G.C. sheet I was now leading my classification by over eighteen minutes so with only a one hour circuit race around The Pheonix park to go I had achieved my main objective .

The next day I was delighted to see Bill Moore win the stage as was most of the race .  He had ridden over 100 ras stages up to that and this was his first stage win so fair play to him for persisting .  A true man of the Ras .

That evening as I packed up the van and said goodbye to the lads there was a really anti-climatic feeling . The race itself was very very hard , the time away from family was hard but the buzz , the camaraderie , the crack would all be missed . As I was driving down past Naas with just my thoughts for company I looked back and thought of the week gone by . The adrenaline of the racing , the roar of the crowd in Gorey as they had closed every business and even the courthouse to come and watch the race , the fact that I was now a ‘ Man of The Ras ‘ . I asked myself if I would come back and do it all again . The answer was ……………………………………

Barry

www.worldwidecycles.com

League race 10/5/07

Posted: May 11, 2007 in Uncategorized

The bunch finish 26/4/07

Posted: April 30, 2007 in Uncategorized


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What to do if you get a puncture miles from home !

1 : Always carry at least one spare tube along with a few patches and some solution (glue) . Most people will also need a set of two or three tyre levers and of course a pump .

2 : If it is a rear wheel puncture first drop your gears down into the smallest sprockets both front and rear . This not only makes it easier to remove the wheel but also means that you will always know what sprocket to hang the chain on when replacing the wheel .

3 : Next expell any remaining air from the tube . This loosens the tyre which makes it easier to remove .

4 : Begining at the opposite side from the valve insert a tyre lever under the bead of the tyre . Rotate the lever downwards towards the spokes and hook onto a spoke .

5 : Repeat this process with another tyre lever approximatly 3 to 4 inches from the first .The rest of the tyre should now pop off quite easily .

6 : Remove inner tube and inflate . Check where the puncture is and locate roughly the same area on the tyre . This will give you a good idea where the offending piece of glass or wire will be located . Even if you now locate the cause of the puncture and remove it  always check the full inner circumferance of the tyre for any other potential culprits .

7 : Now slightly inflate the spare tube and insert the valve into the hole in the rim . Work the tube into the tyre .

8 : Begining 3 to 4 inches from the valve begin to work the bead of the tyre back onto the rim . Continue all the way around the rim until it becomes more difficult when approximatly 8 to 12 inches will remain .

9 : This is where a bit of effort will be required to finish popping on the tyre with the last piece going on over the location of the valve . Tyre levers should be used only as a last resort as the chances of pinching the tube will be quite high .

10 : Finally , before inflating the new tube push the valve back up into the tyre which will ensure that no piece of the tube should be pinched under the bead of the tyre . Now work up a sweat re-inflating the tyre to at least 80 psi or 100-110 if possible . Re-fit the wheel and away you go !